The Great Shinigami Debate
by Di-chan
Summary: In the minds of Authors everywhere, one question remains echoing in their fathomless depths: To whom does Duo Maxwell’s heart belong?


The Great Shinigami Debate Disclaimer 1: Gundam Wing does not belong to me. The GW-loving Authors of the world belong to themselves. The fan girls belong to their creators/themselves. Nobody owns Di-chan. Except me. I'm Di-chan. I own myself. You cannot own me because I am not a slave. Nor am I a youma. (Naoko Takeuchi owns my character, but I own the Author version. HA!) 

Disclaimer 2: Everything and anything in this story may or may not be true. We don't really know. Well, I suppose we could ask the creators of GW, but they would probably laugh at this and say I'm insane. Which you can probably tell, I am. Some of the time, anyway. 

The Great Shinigami Debate   
Produced by Kawaii Minds, Inc.   
© 2001 Diana Tsukino a.k.a. Ren-chan   
This fanfiction cannot be distributed or reproduced without the Author's permission. No infringement intended. All rights reserved. 

~*~*~*~ 

This story started with a sweater. 

It was a nice sweater. A light beige color, it had a hood and it zipped up. It was a wonderful sweater during the spring and autumn. It kept the wearer nice and warm. 

Well, one day the wearer, whose name was Diana, but affectionately called Di-chan by practically the entire universe, discovered a giant hole in the sweater. So she found a needle, and some thread, and started stitching up the hole. 

As she stitched, an idea came to mind... 

~*~*~*~ 

_Kawaii Minds, Inc. happily presents:_

**The Great Shinigami Debate**   
**_(also known as 'Poor Duo-kun!')_**

_by Di-chan_

~*~*~*~ Once there was a boy. 

Oh, sure, there have been many boys. But this boy is special. He has big, beautiful laughing violet eyes. Long, hip-length chestnut brown hair in a thick braid hangs from his head. And his grin is most likely the biggest in the universe. 

He is a sweet boy, with a sweet personality, and a _very_ sweet body [2]. He is a pilot, a rather famous pilot at that, and his aircraft is a giant mobile suit made of Gundanium. 

A Gundam. 

Shinigami. 

The God of Death. That is the nickname of our boy. How can one so sweet be an angel of death, you ask? Well, now that you mention it, this boy fought in a brutal war. He killed many. Using his Gundam the boy conquered the evils of war to win the ultimate goal: peace. 

After the war everybody was happy. But in the minds of Authors everywhere, one question remains echoing in their fathomless depths: 

Who does Duo Maxwell's heart belong to? 

And so, the story begins. 

~*~*~*~ 

In the world where Author meets anime, there is a cottage. It is a cute cottage, with cute little roses and cute little daisies and other sorts of cute little flowers waving at passing Authors, and cute open windows with cute airy white curtains billowing gently in the breeze. Cute ivy vines cover the cute chimney, and cute chibi's run amuck through the many rows of carrots. A cute little cabbit lays snoozing on the porch. 

It's cute. 

To the side of the house is a small glass parlor, where big soft Lazy Boy chairs sit around a cute wooden tea table. A picnic table can be seen behind the two chairs, and on the picnic table assorted foods are placed, along with a china tea set. Mint tea rests in the china cups and tea pot. 

Currently, two tea cups are sitting on the table between the chairs. Currently, between the cups is a plate of assorted chocolates. Currently, a hand is rummaging through the chocolates. 

The hand belongs to an arm, and the arm to a body. The body belongs to none other than Duo Maxwell. At the moment he is popping the yummy chocolates into his large mouth. His violet eyes are focused on the girl in the chair across from him. 

Across from Duo sits a small girl looking to be about eleven. Silver hair that flows out in wavy tendrils frames the heart-shaped face. White cat ears with silver-gray tips extend from behind wispy, wavy bangs. Her legs are folded under her, the skirt of her white dress flaring cutely over her thighs. The sleeveless dress has the silver tracings of a Guardian's dress. On the front there are figures outlined in silver. A silver crescent moon is linked with a gold one, both pointing upwards. Her sea green eyes are cast downward at the pad of paper, and her delicate hand is holding a pencil and tracing something. A white tail with a silver-gray tip lays at her side, twitching and flicking every so often. 

One word can describe this: kawaii. [3] 

Duo leans back and watches Diana, affectionately called Di-chan. He takes a sip of his tea, smiling slightly at the sweet taste of mint and sugar. The pilot sighs, remembering the reason he came. "Di-chan?" 

"Hm?" 

"Can we talk?" 

Diana looks up and smiles. Her expression adorable, her wide eyes stay connected with his as she closes her pad and sets it on the table. "What would you like to talk about?" 

He takes a deep breath and lets it out with his word. "Everything." 

She blinks at him. 

"I mean, everything you Authors do to me. How you set me up with so many different people it's not funny. I mean... it's hard, loving one person one minute and loving another person the next. I need to get this off my chest.. I need to say who I love.. Who I truly love." 

Diana smiles cutely. "So you're telling me?" 

"Yeah. The other Authors are so bent up on writing about me that I took a day off and came here. You're too nice to go telling everyone." 

"Arigato, Duo-chan." 

He grins at her. "You promise not to tell?" 

"Hai. [4] I promise." She reaches over and grasps his pinky in hers. "Pinky swear!" 

He chuckles as her hand slid back to her tea. "All right. You see, I love—" 

Whatever Duo is going to say is cut off by the slamming of a door against the wall. Diana and Duo look up to see various Gundam-Wing-loving Authors carrying pitch forks, rolling pins, and autograph books pour into the small yet spacious parlor. [5] 

Diana blinks. "How did you all get in here?" 

One of the ones in the front blinks. "Through the door." 

Diana face-faults. "But.. but Washu-chan designed this place! You can't get in unless I say so!" 

"..Um.. so?" 

Diana was starting to believe that Mihoshi's ability to get into any place in existence was rubbing off on unwanted Authors. [6] 

Another one pushes the first aside. "It doesn't matter, Di-chan. We're here for Duo-sama. We heard he is going to say who he loves!" 

The group of Authors cheers and starts babbling. 

Duo blinks. So does Diana. 

Author #1 pushes Author #2 aside and takes her original place. "GIVE US DUO-SAMA!" 

Diana resists the urge to hit her head on the wall. "Out." 

"NEVER!" choruses the Authors. 

Diana stands up, her cute qualities magnified by some unpredictable force of nature. She blinks up adorably at the Authors. "Onegaiiiiii?" [7] 

The Authors sigh but comply. Grumbling about kawaii neko-onna-chan [8] on their way out, they leave. 

Diana sits down and smiles at Duo. "Go on." 

Duo blinks. "Eh... right. Anyway, I love—" 

The door opens again. 

The cast of Gundam Wing stands there. 

Diana scowls, doing a pretty good imitation of Wufei. 

Hilde immediately glomps onto Duo. "Duo! What's this I hear about you loving someone else? What about me?" 

Duo sweatdrops down at Hilde, who is suddenly pulled back into the mass of characters by a random hand. 

Heero steps forward. "Duo?" 

Duo blinks. "Hai?" 

Heero pulls out his gun from that hyperspace pocket he keeps in his pants and points it at Duo. "Do you love me?" 

"..." 

Relena jumps forward. "Heero! How can he love you, when he loves me?!" 

Heero blinks in shock at Relena. "But... I thought you loved me!" 

Relena giggles. "Nope, sorry. I love Duo!" 

Heero glares at Duo. 

Duo blinks. 

Then Wufei decides to comment. 

"THE INJUSTICE! Du-koi, how could you?! After we gave ourselves to each other on endless nights, after I confessed my eternal love for you, after we survived those endless days in that OZ cell..." 

Diana bristles. Duo glances over at his small companion and mentally smirks. Wufei then notices Diana and turns beet-red. 

"I.. er.. anou.. um.. erm.. hi?" [9] 

While Diana stares down Wufei with the patented Author Death Glare and Wufei trembles in fear, a horde of chibi's runs through the scene, leaving flowers, carrots, and cute little animals on the heads of the Gundam Wing cast. Di-chan blinks up at her cabbit, while Duo munches on his carrot. 

Then of all people DOROTHY decides to add her two cents. "DUO-SAMA!" 

Duo reacts like anything with carbon-14 would. "AAAAAHHH!" 

Diana stands up. "OUT!" She pushes the whole cast out of her parlor, shuts the door, and locks it, then leans against it panting. 

Duo blinks. Again. "Gee, Di-chan, you're a life-saver." 

Diana beams and holds up a peace sign. "I know!" 

Duo sweatdrops. 

Diana smiles and presses a button on the wall. Suddenly, multiple things happen. Thick sheets of metal come down over the windows. Titanium covers slide over the walls and glass. A huge metal door appears in front of the regular door. 

Duo sweatdrops, again. 

Outside, the normally cute house turns into something that looks like it came straight out of Fort Knox. Weapons of all sorts pop up out of the gardens, fences, and the ground, while the house itself is suddenly covered in titanium. The chibi's suddenly don black leather and machine guns. [10] The cabbit transforms into a huge crystal-like space ship that hovers over the small house. Even the flowers turn evil. To avoid blinding the world from this shiny view, and to protect itself from blue liquefying glomping bishonen [11], clouds pop up in front of the sun and grumble ominously. The sun pouts, then decides to play poker with the moon, so all is well. 

Inside the now-not-so-nice house, Diana retakes her place across from Duo. Duo glances at his surroundings, taking in the high-tech surveillance cameras, the computers, and the weapons counsel, and grins. "You got some great stuff here. Mind if I look around later?" 

"Help yourself, Duo-chan." 

"Hey, thanks man!" 

"No problem!" 

The two return to their tea and chocolates. 

~*~*~*~ 

Later, however, their peace is to be interrupted once more. 

At the time, Duo is speaking earnestly to Diana. "You see, Di-chan... Ever since the show was aired, I've found myself in tons and tons of different fanfictions, matched up with all sorts of people. The main pairings were me and Heero, or me and Hilde. I can understand both, 'cause in the movie, I _did_ kiss Heero, and during the show my character _did_ go with Hilde at the end. But some of these others.. like.. me and Dorothy? HA! Yeah right! I'd sooner go out with Cockroach Brow than cut my braid off! [12] 

"Some of the others I can go with. Like the Relena with me ones? I understand that. I made points clear in the show that I was attracted to her, but that's all it was, attraction! Sure, she's hot, but hey, Heero made it clear _several_ times that she was his. So I only looked, and didn't touch. 

"And the 2x5 pairings. I can go with that. Me and Wu-man had plenty of times to get together in the show _and _the comic book. Like how we've both been alone all our lives, and all our loved ones will die, he's yin, I'm yang, yadda yadda yadda! I get that. It's cool. But I don't love Wufei. 

"Quatre and Trowa are just... They got their own little world man. Catherine is Trowa's sister. Dorothy... see above. And it's clear that Q-man and Tro are made for each other, ne? So I'm just leaving them out of this. 

"And then... ugh... those fanfic characters... The homemade ones, ya know? I hate it when they pair me up with them. I mean, they just stick random characters in, people who have no past or future, and expect me to go, 'Hey, you're cute, wanna go on a date?' to them. Do you know how annoying that is? And it's especially bad when it's the author!" 

At this Diana looks slightly guilty, and Duo smirks. "Come on, Di-chan, we all know about your story about you with Wufei... So, how's he like in bed?" 

"DUO-CHAN!!!!" 

"Just kidding, just kidding! Sheesh!" 

She giggles. "It's none of your business anyway, Duo-chan. And we haven't gotten that far yet. I'm still hoping though." 

"Yeah, yeah. I getcha. So.. you see how it is for me, ne?" 

"Hai, I do." 

"And it's hard with all those damn Authors shoving me into stories and throwing random girls into my arms, ya know? I just wish.. that I can be with my true love." 

"I understand completely." 

"I.. I want to spend the rest of my life with my koibito... You see... I... I love..." 

Of course, before Shinigami can finish this statement, the door is thrown open. 

Before Diana can recover from her face-fault, several girls made by Authors, including Authors as fan girls, march into the room and surround Duo. 

"Who do you love, Duo-kun?!" 

"Come on Duo-baby, ya know ya love me!" 

"No, me!" 

"Me, damn it!" 

"NO ME YOU WHORE!" 

"MEEEEEEEEEE! BITCH!" 

And the mouths of the girls fighting over Duo get bigger and bigger as their yells get louder and louder, and so finally, everything explodes. 

~*~*~*~ 

When the final wisps of smoke clear, the reader is surprised to find that the house, Di-chan, and Duo are unharmed. Remarkably, so are the tea and the chocolates. 

However, unfortunately for the fan girls, who caused the explosion with their loud yelling, they are not unharmed. 

In fact, several are missing. 

Mainly all of them. [13] 

Duo idly wonders where on Earth the fan girls went, then shrugs and returns to sipping his tea. "Strong wood ya got there." 

"Thanks. Washu invented it." 

"Hmm.. cool." 

Which ends that segment of the day. 

~*~*~*~ 

Now, as all readers and authors know, there has to be a conclusion to a story. Unfortunately for Duo, the conclusion of this story happens to be coming up in the next few pages. And unfortunately for the world, Di-chan doesn't break her promises. 

~*~*~*~ 

Two forms, one black and one white, are hunched over a game board in the parlor of the cute but not so nice house. The black one has a braid and violet eyes, and is grumbling. The white one has a tail and cat ears, and is smiling in triumph. Both parties are silent, save the grumbling, and there is a heavy weight of tension in the air. 

Diana lifts her hand and sets her finger on the last black piece of the game. She picks it up and hops over the last two red pieces, which are in a diagonal line on every other space. She takes away the red pieces and grins. 

"You lose." 

"Kuuusoooo!" Duo wails at his loss in the game of Checkers, while Diana puts the checkerboard and pieces away. 

She looks up at the Braided Bishonen, giggling. "Face it, Duo-chan, you may be good at blowing things up, but you suck at checkers," she states, a kawaii smile in place. 

To which Duo makes a face. "Mannn! No one's ever gonna beat you, Di-chan!" 

"Of course not. I am the Checkers Extraordinaíre. Nobody can beat me." 

"*groan*" 

"Duo-chan?" 

"Hmm?" 

"Would you like to talk now?" 

"Huh? Oh, sure. Well... I love – " 

As Duo's mouth starts to form a word, a large black-covered.. *thing* runs through the parlor, between the reader's portal and Duo and Di-chan, and out the door. When the smoke clears, Diana is giggling. 

"That is sooo sweet! Are you two really in love?" 

"Hai. *blush* It's wonderful, being in love, you know. It's like I'm walking on the clouds... or in paradise..." 

"How kawaii! ^.^ When are you and – " 

As Di-chan's mouth starts to form a word, a fog-horn is heard. Next thing the reader knows, a long train of chibi senshi, Dark Moon family members, cats, and Tuxedo Kamens plow through the parlor, between the reader's portal and Duo and Di-chan, and out the door in the same direction the large black-covered *thing* went. 

When the smoke clears this time, Duo is blushing. "We're going to elope and marry in – " 

Another fog horn is heard, a few blocks down from the cottage. Then it fades away. 

" – and have our honeymoon in – " 

This time, a scream of total agony is heard, along with the shrieks of little chibi's. Then it fades away, too. 

Now Di-chan is blushing. "How romantic! Maybe Wufei will take me there some day..." 

A chibi Wufei appears out of nowhere on Duo's head. It glares all kawaii-like at Di-chan, who is staring open-mouthed at the chibi. "NO WAY ONNA!" 

Duo snickers, while Diana sweatdrops. The Wufei-chibi disappears. 

"That was interesting." 

"He.. was.. so.. KAWAII! I want one!" 

Duo face-faults as Di-chan gushes and babbles about how kawaii the chibi Wufei was. 

Duo sits up and adopts a lovelorn look. "I remember the first time we made love..." 

Diana turns slightly green. "Is that possible?" [14] 

Duo grins evilly. "Anything's possible with Shinigami!" 

Diana sighs and shakes her head, then starts giggling again. "I still can't believe you and your Gundam are in love..." 

Duo smiled, hearts in his eyes. "Yeah..." 

~*~*~*~ 

Outside, several authors, chibi's, fanfic characters, cast members, and readers all sweatdrop as they lean away from the door they had been listening to. 

Several are green and run to the table where chibi's are selling throw-up bags. Several others have hentai smirks on their faces and look to be plotting. The rest are dumbfounded. 

"His Gundam?!" 

~*~*~*~ 

The End. 

~*~*~*~ 

Authors Notes: Okay, my 11-year-old form is my eternal Author form, unless I change that. In AUP, I'm like.. 18 or 19, I believe. >>; 

When you review, please PLEASE do not say who Duo's in love with. If people look at reviews before they read this, you'll spoil it for them and they won't read. By the way. PLEASE REVIEW! I worked very hard on this, and I would like at least a few comments. XD 

Gomen minna, I've decided to put AUP on hold until a certain case of writers' block decides to leave me alone. 

Oh, and... 

I got some challenges for ya'll! 

Muha! 

Challenges: (and yes, I'm hard to please, but c'mon people, none of these things exist in nature and by Shinigami-sama, I want to see if you can do it or not!) 

1. Non-Yaoi: Write a fic over 1000 words about the cast of GW going to McDonalds. No yaoi couples, unless it's 3x4, which I'll accept, and you can't bash/kill/maim/shoot/severely punish Relena. But Dorothy's a whole nother story! XD 

2. Yaoi: Write a Gundam Wing and Fern Gully crossover with Wufei and Duo as the main characters. Yes, I want a 2x5, and if the best 2x5 writers can't do this, well then poo on you! And no, NOT the sequel, unless you want to do that as a follow up. It has to follow the basic story line of the movie, Duo has to be the guy, and Wufei has to be the faerie girl. Muha! You can cast the other characters accordingly. I've been entertaining this idea for a while now, and I want to see if any of you wonderful authors can do it. Well, can you? 

3. Entertainment: Write a 1000-word limit fic about Trowa, Wufei, and Heero getting stuck in an elevator with a VERY hyper Duo. No yaoi. Only hyper Duo. >=D! 

Thanks a bunchies, minna-chan! See ya'll later! 

~ Di-chan ~ 

~*~*~*~ 

[1] What an opening line. 

[2] >=D 

[3] Meaning(s): Cute, adorable, innocent, totally irresistible.. 

[4] Yes. 

[5] How they all fit, no one really knows o.O 

[6] And unwanted siblings, bad guys, monsters, Heero's... 

[7] Loosely translated, "Pleeeease?" 

[8] neko = cat, onna = girl/woman (plural and singular), chan = show of affection. Loosely translated, 'cute cat girls'. 

[9] I don't believe I've seen Fei-chan stutter this much since I caught him watching me undress.. (reference to AUP) 

[10] Picture this in your mind. Are you scared now? Better be. You know, the one thing that has a 114% chance of success with taking down evil villains is letting a pack of chibi's loose on them. 

[11] You'd understand if you have seen Revolutionary Girl Utena. "MY SHINING THING!" 

[12] Meaning, it ain't gonna happen. 

[13] Musta been a big boom! 

[14] *wicked cackle* 


End file.
